Knowing
by Soon to be world renown Gracie
Summary: Sometimes, not knowing is much better. He knew, though, and he didn't want the others to realize he did. SAD! CHARACTER DEATH! hey! my first g rated fic! go me!


Tissue warning! All around! Tissues needed all around! *passes tissues out to waiting readers* Oh, how sorrowful and heartfelt thy tissue warning is! *sobs at tissue warning* Oh! Thy heart doth rememberith a time when no tissue warning was needed! What a joyful occasion was that! But fear not, faithful readers! The end will be full of sorrow, but tomorrow will dawn glorious and untissuefilled! *dances off to declare more tissue warnings*  
  
AN: I was just sitting at my comp one night and i was playing cards, armed with my blankie, orange juice, and a full box of kleenex because i'd been pretty sick and this story just kinda popped into my head. it's very sad, so be warned as my alter ego has tried to stress in the beginning: tissues might be needed!   
  
I do not own Enterprise, Reed, Trip, or any other charact- *is suddenly trampled to ground by dancing alter-ego* TISSUES!!! THOU MIGHT PERCHANCE NEED A TISSUE!!! *chokes alter ego* yes, i believe they understand that. I don't own them and never will, but a girl can dream can't she? Ahh... Trip...Malcolm... AH! *is trampled again* TISSUES!!! SO MANY TISSUES!!!!  
  
Ah, yes, I see I have forgotten to introduce my newly purchased alter-ego. Her name is Margeurite. She's from the middle ages (hence the speech pattern) and is highly energetic. She was purchased at my new Alter Ego Factory Outlet and others like her can be purchased when I have the "store" up and running. This includes making the alterego's personalities and names etc. AlterEgos can also be made per command. Just tell me the specs and I'll make them! Happy going!  
  
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I let them do this to me. I know full well what I was letting them do, though they thought I didn't know. I looked into Hoshi's tear-filled eyes as she stood with Jon over the biobed.   
  
Jon looked ready to cry, too. It hurt, what I was going through, I secretly wanted them to do this, but at the same time, I wanted them to suffer. An oxygen mask was over my nose and mouth so I just gave them the saddest, most painful look I could conjure. Hoshi gave a choked sob and turned away. "Oh, don't give me that look," Jon practically begged, "Please, don't give me that look." I love them, they're my family! So why couldn't they let ME make this decision?  
  
And I know what they thought, too. I could read it in their faces. I'm not well enough to make my own decision. Well, just to make them feel a little better...after all, they are practically family... So I gave them a confused look. Let them feel justified in their decision. No, I'm not well enough to make this decision. My great captain shall have to for me. Under God and Starfleet. "You know you're my best friend," Jon choked out. But, Jon, who's going to take my place? I doubt anyone on this ship can. I'm your best friend, you said so yourself! Your confidant! Who are you going to discuss everything with, from the ship, to home; from the crabby, old admirals, to girls you like, including Ms. Vulcan Queen of the Stoic Silence? I can tell you who: nobody. Nobody will ever replace me, for I am your BEST FRIEND! There is no replacing that, Jon. I know what I said earlier, Jon, that I secretely wanted this, but, I don't! I want another chance, please! Please! I let my look say as much. Hoshi sobbed once more, as did Jon this time as he repeated what he said earlier, "You know you're my best friend."   
  
I felt hands holding me down. No! Please Jon, don't let the doc do this!  
  
"We'll miss you around here. No one can ever replace you." See? Can I call 'em or what?   
  
"But the cancer has gotten too far. I'm not going to allow you to die in pain."  
  
Please Jon, I'm begging you! I can live with the pain! Another chance! If I complain once, then you can-  
  
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me."  
  
Forgive you? You're killing me! How can I forgive you?  
  
I felt one of the hands move and be replaced by the sharp point of a needle in my shoulder. I began to feel tired. I want to live, Jon. I really do!  
  
"I'm sorry, boy. I'm so sorry." I was really sleepy and everything began to get dark. I felt a soft hand petting me and knew it had to be Hoshi.  
  
"Oh, Porthos, we really are sorry."  
  
How can I stay mad at you, Hoshi?   
  
As everything was suddenly floating away, I was reminded of something Jon told me a while back, 'People say dogs are stupid, boy, but I know you can understand me, right?' That night, I didn't answer him-like usual, I just settled for nestling in his lap and dutifully listen to him rant and rave about T'Pol and how he can never get her to notice him, while catching-like a good dog-the cheese he threw to me. That night he didn't sleep so well. After he had left one of the engines started to leak and he had enough to worry about before that. So I snuggled up on the bed with him and tried to relax him to sleep, like I always do when he's like that. Being Captain takes two people-one to lead and the other to listen and try to help. That's my philosophy. He leads, I listen.   
  
Don't ever let anyone tell you dogs are stupid.  
  
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AN: Good? Bad? Crap? Did it not need tissues? Did I have Marguerite do that whole tissue warning for nothing? I thought it was good. But...then again that's just me. Please read and review! Flames accepted-after all flames are reviews, too! Don't discriminate!!! READ AND REVIEW!!! pleeeeeeaseeeeeeeeee!!??!!??!!?? 


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